your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
