its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
