My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
