I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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