I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
