I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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