so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
