So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
