I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
