dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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