I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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