I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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