About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
