My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
