I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
