you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
