hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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