I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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