Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
