he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
