I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
