How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
