Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
