Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
