Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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