Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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