Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
