im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
