I never want to see another naked old woman again.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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