You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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