I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
