the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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