WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Blood and glitter go together right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
