it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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