i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
