i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
