If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
