i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
