I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
