My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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