his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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