I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
