Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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