If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
