I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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