why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Shame - the story of my life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
