Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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