You can't motorboat a personality
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
