My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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