hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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