Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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