Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
