What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
