If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
