I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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