She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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