I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
