why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
