its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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