I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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