dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
