I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
