my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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