I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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