aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
