Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
