Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
