Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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