I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
