she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize