I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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