Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
