I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
