hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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