you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
