I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
