New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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