I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
