Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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