How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
